Never thought of I'd have a day like this

Thank you for all you've done for me on my birthday.  🌸
It's the first time that someone brought me out to celebrate my birthday.
You baked me my favorite oreo cheese cake, you drove me to sky dining to watch night view, you surprised me by showing up infront of my condo and wished me Happy birthday...
I never thought of I'd have someone who would do these to me...it's too dramatic for me and I thought girl like me would never have a chance to experience these. Thanks for making it happened.🌸
To be honest, I felt so bad for not dressing well, as you expected the birthday girl would have wear a dress or at least heels. I admit that I have no sense for these. I honestly thought that we would just have a simple dinner together and that's it. Because I'll never expect more.
It's my coolest birthday ever cuz no one had done this to me before, I can say.
You don't need to feel sorry for ruining my day ,you actually did made my day a lot brighter. 
We had a nice talk that day. Surprisingly, I never know that you actually know my existence before we met. Even though I still wondering whether it's truth or not... but I'd like to say, I appreciate that.
You opened up to me , told me what's your concern and worries..
And I found out that we're actually worrying bout the same things.
Maybe what you said was right, we met at the wrong time.
We both don't know where are we going to be in the next few months...
Anyhow, you're still gonna leave 2 months later.
Sometimes, we can't just make decision following our hearts when our mind disagrees.
I understood how hopeless it can be.
One has analytical thought involved and one has intuitive feelings involved.
Logic or Emotional response ?
I guess by the time, you'll follow your mind.
Because when emotions take over on decision making, it's not wise anymore..
I know you had consider a long-term vision by putting aside your feelings and thought wisely, otherwise you wouldn't come out with these thinking.
Maybe... we should just follow the flow, follow the path where God leads us to... and see what's going to happen after this.

Day- 35



🌸

Into it?

Am I falling into a trap?
I wonder what kind of person you're. Are you being serious? I don't like playing games.
I know it's bad to compare, everyone shows their love differently , but you don't make me feel that you're a caring person tho. Even the basic...
Are you also a passer-by in my life? I should stop here before stepping in too deep. How I wish you're being serious.
넌 어떤 사람이냐 진심이냐 착한사람이냐 너무 알고 싶다. 나를 왜 관심이 있느냐 물어보고싶다. 난 노는 사람은 아니다는게 말해 주고 싶다. 다른 사람의 감정은 놀지 않기 바란다.
잘 이해할 수 없는 게 있다. 관심이 있는 사람한테 왜 답장을 안 하는 건데, 왜 나만 관심이 있게  하니 ? 왜 나를 바보 같이 답장 만 기다리는 사람으로 만들었니 ? 내 친한 친구 도 내 생활은 얼마나 바쁘고 얼마나 힘든 것은 알고 늘 이해해주고 응원해 주고 나를 잘 해주는데 왜 니가 차가운 건데? 이런 행동은 관심이 있는 사람한테 할 행동이니? 어머.. 만약에 사귄 후에 너도 그렇게 차가우면 난 어쩔래 ? 걱정한다 정말로.

I wonder why it became my business...

Since when I'm that great, can sacrifice a friend because of a close friend...even when this close friend  had forgive that friend?
Im those kind of person, I don't take back words I've told.
In fact that I've made my decision, that's it.
Taken back what one has told is such an irresponsible action, for me.
You should be responsible for your words, what you've told and what you've decided.
Don't simply change your mind as if it has nothing happened.
You have changed someone's emotion, you've changed their mind, you've change their perspective on you, don't take things so easily. Don't be so childish, be responsible for what you've told , don't make me be like a childish person right now, who suddenly stop talking with a friend of mine, and Im who had suddenly lost a friend but seems like you lost nothing.
Everything started from you, you were the one who felt upset and had make your mind that you were gonna leave this shit behind. So, being a friend , I supported you no matter what decision you've made. Who knows, after a while, you acted like nothing happened but I'm still taking responsible for what I've told, which is about I will stay away from that person ,like you do.
But you did not.

마음

2016 년은 아직도 큰일 없고.. 너무 마음 아픈 일이 없는 것 같다.

지금은 문제 있긴 있다.

난 배신자 되기 싫다, 제발.. 배신하면 안된다.

나도 아는데... 가끔은 그냥... 마음 대로 하면.... 그렇게 됐으니.... ㅠㅠ 나도 어렵다. 솔직히 말하면 나도 하기 싫은데 만약에 내 마음속에도 그렇게 하고 싶다면은....나도 선택할 수 있으면은 그렇게 안 할 거야.

난 참을 거야. 너를 위해서 참을 거라고.  노력할게

Christmas

Last year after coming back from Korea, I thought this year would be fun as I would meet a lot of friends. But till the day before the Christmas Eve, we still got no any plan for Christmas ,so I thought it might be still the same as the previous years...
Fortunately, we came out with plans on Christmas Eve...after going to K room with my sister.
It was a fun night , it was literally my first time doing those things till mid night. We went to a pub, they drink beer, we play games...
Thank you for making it an unforgettable day for me.
Appreciate.

Sem 2

Semester 2 .. many things happened.

unhappy things. 

My mental problem getting more serious but at the same time getting better. 

I didn't know which percentage is higher but.. ya.. I hope I can do better day by day. 

Friendship problem...

There was moment when we getting further and further away ....and I didn't try to make it back like previously.

because......

actually nothing is wrong.. 

I was just... did not wanna... listen to some of the sentences I dislike to listen. 

It's so frustrating .

I know, nobody born to impress me, but ..I didn't born to impress you too.

So.. why did I need to bear the attitude? 

我觉得我真的的是奇怪吧。
连我最好的朋友都拿样说了
伤心有什么用，当你伤心都没人理会的时候
失望有什么用，当人全都认为你自作自受的时候
生气有什么用，当没人把你当成回事的时候
讽刺有什么用，当人把它当作是你的固执的时候
性格合不来， 这句话，我终于明白是什么意思了
合不来就是合不来 有时候，真的解释不到
不懂得明白你的我 和不懂得体谅我的你

Why I needa face these...

What made me sad was....
I typed quite alot of words in my text and replied him...
he replied me 'oh i see haha '
I know that text has got nothing for others to reply... but that replied message was making people upset.

Next ,was friendship problem.  Skyping with each other discussing work, after 5 sentences sure something irrelevant pop up. Then they started to talk about that...
This really did make me mad. They should talk about those after we finishing our discussion work.
There's plenty of work to submit tomorrow... stop procrastinating .
Somemore....there's some friends who already do not understand what I meant and felt.
This is really frustrating. I said 1 she will be like forever thinking that Im actually talking about 2...
Then after this situation, another one will start to ask us stop arguing . The problem is we are not even arguing. ==
duhhh
I'm kind of fed up of this uni life.......

Deep feelin'

It had been monthsss since I last update my blog.
I didn't know why almost everytime I update, I start off with ' it had been ...... since ...'
But indeed, I 'visit' here occasionally ... not even 'often' ..
I did have lots of thinking.. and I did wanted to visit here often but sometimes just... got not time for me to do so..
or just feeling lazy.
But... I do have the habits of writing diary, calendar.. stuff like that.
So ..maybe I just a little transfer? ~~~~
Alright..well.. it must be something brought me here.
that 's.....
Let's talk.... about it..

About friends around me.
I made some genuinely good friends when I worked at part time job as a helping crew during my sem break.
They're really kind people.
Even though we just met them not long ago..but they're willing to help us out and always be there for us 24/7 ... (still, because I can't predict what will happen in the future..)
So far, they helped me alot, I couldn't remember how many times, just alot.
...on... whatever things they can do ..(e.g. relationship, friendship, assignment, food cravings... )
They are good in comforting people (I think they might not knowing this .. =) ...
They always able to make us laugh...no matter when we're feeling down, sad , emo or even angry...
They also never blame me for what I've done.(I'm not sure whether they blame me without me knowing it..... keke)
 For instant,  I used to hoping to find someone who can accompany me when I couldn't sleep at night... fortunately one or two of them always online when I need someone, then we started our conversation.... till late night... or even till morning...
The next day, not blaming but heart warming text will come first... :'）
Another thing was...whenever I found something odd , or anything bad or sad happened.
After telling them, they will start to find out solution....
They're really kind and great listeners. Each one of them... :)
And.... my seniors...
Some of them are kind, ya... so far.. I can see only 'some' ..
I'm not sure...  since I didn't really mix around with seniors.. but it's not like I dislike them or bla..
I'm just not so ...fangirl them.. lol
okay..
so... one of my senior is really kind too..
Even when my closest friend didn't care about how am I doing...he did contact me..
Comforted me , saying that after recovering , let's go to watch movie, let's go hunt for food...
It's unbelievable, at first. Since I'm really.. not so close with them...
But yay, thanks :) at least I smiled after reading at their messages when I feeling extremely boring and helpless ...
What a group of warm hearted guys.
Thank God for letting me having them as friends.

So far, I still can't imagine life without them. （haha,  maybe a little exaggerate..)
It will be boring, helpless... (this is truth)
I hope only good things will happen on them and happiness surround them always.
I sincerely wish they will have great future ahead.... =)

I stated that I hope I can fill my new life with happiness.
But here comes the obstacle after starting university life for a month.
Feel like changing course...
why?
Even though my parents will support me whatever I've chosen , but from what my dad saw during these 2 months.. he asked me some questions during the second day of Cny.
'Is it what you wanna do after trying it a month? '
'Don't you feel lifeless and what they asked you to do were like what I did during primary school time? '
'Do you know that your future will be really busy if there's project? '
'Do you know where do you get money from if you dont get a project? '
 I really don't know.
I just followed my heart and choose what I liked.
I don't really care about those as I believe that if it's the thing that I like, even though it's extremely hard, I will enjoy it for sure and I won't be regret.
But it's not mean that I think my dad is wrong. I understood what he was trying to say, and I knew it's for my own good.
So, after listening to him, I did lots of thinking....
I asked cousins, relatives, friends that should I change my course...?
I can't just think about my dream, my hobby,.. I should think of my dad, who always by my side and support me. I can't make him feel disappointed.
I can't be so selfish.
Future and Dream. which one do you choose if you've the chance?

New chapter of life!

Finally ,my new chapter of life .
I need to fill in my blank pages with happiness.
And I believed that I can do it.

I have been waiting for the arrival of the day.
But when the day comes, I got really nervous and worried.
First day was kinda scary as I still dont know anyone of them.
Second day , it was day for campus hunt.
I made quite lots of friends on that day as I was not afraid anymore.
I was doing everything alone ... I'm so glad that I did it. Since I was so worried that I'm not able to stay alone .

Class started, it was fun to learn sketching in a design studio.
It's like my dream came true.
So far so good... Everything goes smooth.
I'm so lucky that I met nice people and lecturers.

Drive to university is my goal now. Gonna practise more after my lisence done.
After knowing some friends who drive to school... Started asking friend to fetch me when no one couldn't make it.
Feel bad and sorry as I don't wanna give tiehrs trouble....

Most of my friends draw very well as they were art students. Come on.. I'm from pure science...
Well.. I never learn sketching. It's just my hobby ....
I hope I'm not the weakest in the class.....
I knew some of them were from pure science too... But they still did well. Cool.

After going to university, the optimistic side of mine appears and the negative side of mine no longer appear . That's why I used to say I love busy life and I do not enjoy lifeless life.

Tiny conclusion
I just wanna have new friends of mine.. I need to be socialize.. lol

shock!

While I was typing the previous blog -Relief , I heard 'boooom! ' sound coming from the ceiling above my head.
 Following by the small white pieces of broken plaster ceiling.
It dropped on my head and fell like snow.
Even my laptop all most turned into white.
I was so shocked! I thought Im going to die.....
I shouted very loud with my hands closing my ears. I ran to the living hall .(my own reaction)
My face blanched. And so did my parents and sisters.
I never shout this loud I think...It's really scary.
We slept in my parent's room and I was still very afraid of dreaming about scary stuff.

Relief

Because of One tiny stuff, (kinda) huge argument occurred between me and my sis .
Well. nothing much to say in detail about that . that's over.

Sitting in the area infront of the house... mum and dad were sitting there listening to my story.
(I don't wanna talk much about it here )
They both gave opinions on what I've told, and taught me how to become stronger .
My dad didn't scold me even though I talked in the 'stupid' way...
which means talking and crying both doing at the same time...
why did I felt this? because last time when I was younger, he did scold me when I complained and cried ,both doing at the same time.
Last time, he scolded about anything that he thought was wrong.
I felt that my dad changed alot since I came back from Korea, the way he talk and express ...
Maybe it's because all of us are 'big' enough, we're grown..
I'm so glad that both of them listened to me till the end.
It's my first time talking that much about of my feeling infront of both of them.
Since I used to tell my mum , only. I told my mum everything about what I felt and worried.
It's good to have both of them sitting by my side listening to me.
Thank God for giving me both of them..who standing by my side always.
After talking with them, I only realized that, ........ (forgive me for not sharing)

I'll try to become stronger...
Thanks my mama n papa.

Thanks for giving me strength

Just received a call from the agent who are helping me out on my further studies. 
After telling my parents , my daddy didn't seem happy.
He was worried about the transport problem and so on. Then, started to ''splash me with cold water'' ... (abit? )
Yes, I know it might be a big problem, since the institute that I wish to enter , is quite far from my aunt's house and every morning there'll be really heavy traffic, and yet, I haven't got a license ...
Yes, a ***king driving license (for me) .
After going back to my room, I just felt very disappointed and sad and angry. 
I thought, why I'm facing so much problems? Why when there's course that I like, many problems appeared? What should I do?? As you said, you wanted me to have no problem with the transport, should I find those university only in that particular area but not the course that I like?
I was so disappointed and couldn't control my anger. and even my tears.
I cried....and cried.... 
sending mummy lots of message, hoping that someone could comfort me and give me positive energy. 
about 15 mins later, she replied , she asked me to calm down, take a deep breath. 
After following what she asked me to do, I told her that I wish she could come into my room. 
Then, she came and I cried much more louder than before.
Cried until the sides of my eyes shivered, my hands shivered, my legs shivered. I hugged my mama as tide as possible because I was panic abit and couldn't breath as I cried too hard.
I had water, and calm myself down. 
Then we started to sit on the bed and discuss with the help of internet. 
She explained to me everything, she comforted me, she told me what to ask the agent, she taught me the options , she said we'll be going to visit those universities that I'm interested in , asked me not to worry .
I felt that Im feeling alive again after her words. 
She gave me strength to stay strong. 
Thanks , mummy. 
I don't know what I will be without you. 

Thanks.

Finally I came back home ...
and... ya.. officially.. I'm not a student in Korea anymore.
I still feeling sad when I start to think about it..........
but... this is what i've chosen... I shouldn't blame ..

Had a safe flight and everything went so smooth, Thank God. =)
I met my parents <3 and="" finally="" home="" i="" in="" m="" my="" nbsp="" p="" room...="" sweet="">(before that I was so worried..............)

I didn't know what should I do start from now on....
I know it's time for me to decide...
I don't wanna waste my time just staying at home before uni life starts, I wanna find somethings to do but what it will be? .... > <

D-day-2

Yesterday met my brother finally after 3 months no see.

He came here for his work , and will accompany back to MY this Saturday..

Time flies,... finally...I'm going back already..

It had been 6 months since I came to Seoul.

It was like a dream..seriously.. 

till now I can't believe these can happen to me.. 

I'm lucky.. and I appreciate them <3 nbsp="" p="">

It's kinda special feeling when we meet our brother,...

couldn't describe it by words...

Brought him to eat and shop! =D feel nice because we are the one who were bringing them to hang around Seoul. feel so cool > < 

Today me and my sister went to Insa-dong to have a walk on the beautiful street.

We took photo sticker with Hanbuk on , so nice =D 

We went to enjoy our Caramel Honey Bread at Ediya Coffee,

then we went to Dongdae-mun shopping town to get some pretty stuff.

After staying in Seoul for 6 months, we can just go to bus stop and check what's the direction the bus is going to ,then get in to the right one. Before that we coudn't do this but keep on finding the direction first before traveling or ask others for help. 

Feel so nice, it's like.. ' Finally, we're like a real student here but not half student half tourist anymore..' <3 p="">

I appreciated everything here in Seoul, I know I won't be able to come back again as a student again but a tourist in the future....=(

so sad... 

but........

I don't want to feel regret after this. 

I know it's a right choice.

Fighting!

I've my parents!

I called my parents by skype just now , just wanna tell them everything and I need someone who listen to me....

I cried automatically once I complaint about how tired I was during this whole day to my mum..

but after I cried and chat with her , I felt better... I'm not feeling tired anymore..

They're indeed my 'energize potion' (?) hahhahaha

Seriously, as what mum had told me... I really need to enjoy my life here ... D-Day-4.. 4 days later I'm going back...

I don't know what feeling it will be.... 

the country where I always dream to stay in... I'm going to say bye to my student life in Seoul...

I miss my family until I forgot how much I love Korea..

                                 and how can I imagine how much I gonna miss here..

I'm not going to have this student life here anymore.... the dorm...the class... 

   friends... the scenery...

the feel...

 the people here... the daily language....the food...

 the lifestyle.... the weather...the places

.the season.... 

the cafes... 

 more and more..............

.....................

........

.......ya.... 

I gonna miss them alot alot...... 

alot....

more than I can say....

About my favorite friend

Last Tuesday went to Everland with one of my favorite Japanese friend -Ayako. 

We had lots of fun and that will be our beautiful memories.

She is a kind ,humble,understanding and friendly person, I still remember on the first day we met each other, she was the one who started to talk to me first. (since I don't usually be the one who talk first because I'm timid!) 

She's not 90's (but who cares~ as long as we feel comfortable with each other, we can be good friends!) She looks younger than her age, seriously. She didn't act like wanting the whole class to respect her since she is the eldest among us, she doesn't really care bout ages , she is kind to each one of us. so I guess these're the reasons that everyone likes her, included me. 

She told me to get the first place in the class and believe me that I can do it. 

She supported me a lot and giving me lots of opinions. 

Seriously, after this, I don't know when are we going to meet again...

but she promised me that if she plan to go for a trip in my country, she will let me know and visit me. ( wishing the day can come faster) 

random selca

-没有想到想写的题目-

韩国生活第4个月， 这4个月里头当中有不少时候我是很想很想回家。
但是想了想， 才4个月， 我会不会逊了点。。。
已经准备这个学期完了就回去，是时候上大学。
有的时候很矛盾， 来到了自己很喜欢的国家生活， 学最喜欢的语文， 为什么还会有不开心的时候。。。
原因只有一个。想家。

刚才逛了逛哥哥的部落格，想再读读他当年在日本留学的心情和生活。
我觉得，有时候终于感受到他当时的心情。更何况那时候他是一个人。
一年回家一个月， 真的很不简单， 如果那是我， 我一定顶不顺。

来了外国读书，虽然短短的半年，令我整个人成熟了不少。（个人认为）
所以我觉得一定要至少有一次短时间离开父母，去感受身边没有亲人常常为你做这个那个。。。
这段期间里开心当然会有，但难熬的时候也不会少。。  

我在这里留学了以后做了很多从来不会跟父母做的事。。。
我每一天拍照给他们看，每天分享做过的特别事，互相问候。
难过时我会告诉他们，有压力时也会告诉他们。以前我从来都不会这么做。
我学到了，有想说的话就该说，
面对任何人都可以害羞，但是唯有父母面前最没有理由‘怕丑’。
没有人会知道自己的命运， 想说的，想做的， 不做，以后后悔都没有用。
生命有多宝贵？ 没有字能形容。

我现在的确很想家。
但是回去了以后我要做些什么，我还不知道。。。
大学也没那么早开学。。。
我不知道没有书读的时间怎么过。。

回家后再回来韩国的生活

终于，在假期时回家了。回来已有4 天，现在这么想想过得真快。
现在很想家。。。

记得五天前，一直想着明早要回韩国了，很不舍得，一直有想哭的感觉，一直在心里面倒数着，还有多少个小时又得离开爸妈的身边，想着想着，红着眼睛往没人的地方走去。。。

一直到了半夜，我们上房间睡觉，那个时候，还有4个小时就得去机场的我，心里不想睡，因为不想时间过得这么快。
我当时，真的不想回来读书了，很想和家人一起。。。
不知不觉，因为太累睡着了。。。3点电话闹钟响后，什么都没做就下楼去爸妈的房里。
睡在妈妈的旁边，她被我弄得醒了，问了问我几点了，他们都说那么快就3点了。。。
爸爸弄了弄我的脸，叫我快刷牙洗脸去，准备准备。
我很快地去了厕所，原因很简单，因为我哭了。
哭着哭着准备完后，还是得抹干，面对他们。
的士到了的时候，我还不感觉怎么样。。
全家人都出来，准备上车的时候，我还抱着妈妈，爸忙着说东西要拿好，做事要小心，那个时候眼睛不知觉的湿透了。。。
眼泪即将要掉的时候我很快地上了车，我以为我这样做他们全就看不到我哭。。
赶快擦干，望了望窗外，的士慢慢向前驾驶，我们望向后面挥了手。
我当时忍不住哽咽了一声再立刻塞着我的嘴巴，不让人家听见。
边哭，边想回去， 很想让的士回去。。。
姐发了信息问了我，二姐有没有哭， 那时候我才知道原来他们都懂我哭了。。。
确实是。。。  哪有可能我会不哭呢~ 
哭了好久。。。。 之后跟妈妈发短信时就没再哭了。
直到上了飞机， 无聊的时候又想起了他们。。眼泪再次不知觉要流下。。。
我真的是很伤心。。。3 个月后还是5 个月后再见他们呢？ 

回到韩国， 忙得没有时间难过。。。
现在为止还行，有朋友们在，时间快得很开心。。 
功课又多，上的课挺难。。。 有时间的话都应该温温书。
接下来的日子希望都是忙忙但又有意思 =） 
当然这次很希望能又得到奖学金，为了钱。。。。。。但是竞争者视乎挺多的，要加倍努力才行。。。加油！